Not a Blanket

I have a heart. I always known it was there but I never really used it before. I have to follow it sometimes. I prayed that God would open my eyes to the truth... he did. I found out that my heart has a voice and it seems to scream at me all the time. It needs protection, I can't keep putting it in situations where it can get jabbed at with little sticks. My heart is the wellspring of life. It makes who I am special. Im afraid if my heart was put on display that people wouldn't see how special it is. I keep it hidden. I keep it hidden in a place where only helicopters and hydroplanes can get to it.

I have to ask God to watch over my heart. He knows it, he is amazed by it. He knows the things my heart has made me do and why I have done them. My heart is not a crutch, I do not use it to make excuses. I can not play the damsel in distress. No matter how much my heart needs me to. My rescuer never came. I failed my heart. I should have been the one to keep it safe. I did not have the wisdom to protect it. I had the ignorance to ignore it. My heart is selfish. It does not care about other hearts. It breaks them only to protect itself. If you really saw how weak my heart was you would not want yours to play scrabble with it, or get my heart to push yours on the swings. You would keep your heart far from mine. So far that the earth has no room for. My biggest fear is that my heart will become hardened like the ground beneath my feet. No one wants a clump of stone.

God will choose to do what he must to make my heart stronger. God will realize my hearts faults and conquer them. He will stand in a field where wheat stands so tall you could only see gold and blue sky. God would search for my secret heart. He will find it alone in the sun. Burnt from the constant heat, thirsty from the lack of his word. He will kneel down and reach out his hand and whisper "there you are my darling".