Last night I had a dream that paralyzed me. I was in my room sleeping when a man walks in rips my blankets off of me and as a cold breeze sweeps over the man starts to attack. Taking off my clothing, I struggle but I can't fight him off. He holds my wrists down and my fingers go numb. He has a smile on his face, not the smile of satisfaction but a cruel smile like a thief that has discovered something more precious then he first thought and takes that instead. I scream and plead as tears start rolling down my face matching the panic now in my heart. Thats when I realize the most horrifying part of my dream, the man's eyes are closed. He's sleeping, he doesn't even know he's raping me. Taking away my strength and innocence that makes up my beauty. Without realizing what he's done he leaves me in the dark room, with only the light from the door he's left open behind him. I pull my blankets onto my body and think that somehow my stillness can heal what has just happened. The next day I wake up and go to class, I forget the dream until I'm sitting in the cafeteria eating my lunch. Even though there are lots of people there I picture the large room empty, I am alone to ponder. I head to rock climbing and the slight drop in the air and socializing with friends distracts me. I head that evening to the gym, as I run I think to myself. Can I condemn the man in my dream? The buzzing of the treadmill and waves from friends as they enter the room and pass by.I remember how much I love treadmills when Im on them no one talks to me. I can be around people and not feel obligated to speak. I find it is a great time to pray to God. I think about my dream, can I condemn a man who couldn't hear, couldn't see? A man who didn't know how much he was hurting me? Lord what are you trying to teach me? Or are you trying to warn me? Please be the protector of my dreams. Jesus, I'm scared. Only your words can change a drunkard into a prince of the land, and a whore into an angel of mercy.
No comments:
Post a Comment